Agricultural soils worldwide carry a growing imbalance of heavy metal(loid)s—arsenic (As), cadmium (Cd), lead (Pb), mercury (Hg), and chromium (Cr)—driven by mining, industry, and intensive farming inputs. Crop uptake is governed by the bioavailable fraction rather than by total content alone, but the two are not independent: the total pool sets the ceiling from which the available fraction is drawn, so the relationship is real yet neither direct nor linear. This critical review appraises green management strategies that control metal(loid) accumulation in the edible tissues of staple crops, and it does so comparatively rather than by catalog. We first define the evidence base—search strategy, screening and quality criteria, and the geographic and crop distribution of the literature—and then evaluate four strategy families against seven explicit criteria (efficacy, evidence level, durability, co-metal trade-off, cost, life-cycle footprint, applicability domain): water, redox and agronomic management; immobilization amendments, including lime, biochar, iron/manganese oxides, and nano-enabled sorbents; plant-based strategies, from low-accumulation cultivars to silicon/selenium supplementation; and microbial-assisted remediation. Four patterns recur across independent field studies. First, redox- and pH-based interventions are the most reproducible where Cd dominates, but their reported efficacy spans an order of magnitude because performance depends on baseline pH, contaminant load and control definition. Second, every Cd-effective measure is neutral or adverse for As, so As-dominated and co-contaminated sites require opposing prescriptions; this is the single most consequential contradiction in the literature. Third, durability rather than initial efficacy is the binding constraint, because most field trials report three seasons or fewer. Fourth, microbial and nano-enabled approaches are the least transferable, with most quantitative claims resting on pot or mesocosm data. We conclude that no currently available measure, and no validated combination, guarantees compliance in edible tissues at every site; safe use is conditional on diagnosis of the bioavailable fraction, a site-specific package, and grain-level verification before marketing, and diversion to non-food or industrial cropping is the defensible fallback where that assurance cannot be given.